Winter is coming.

This is the post excerpt.

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With the end of May comes the beginning of winter. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate winter. Yes, there are the cold nights, wet days, freezing mornings and endless days of being trapped inside, but wait, there’s more…

Winter is by far my favourite season.  I love the cold, I love the frost, I love snuggling up under duvets and blankets in new PJ’s, I love getting home and pulling the curtains – if I am honest I love pulling the curtains so that I feel no shame at putting on previously mentioned PJ’s at a ridiculously early time.  I’m not going to lie, winter is great because you have every excuse in the book to be a sloth. It’s cold, it’s dark, it’s wet…and this makes me so happy!

Let’s start with the fashion.  Being a womanly woman (fat, ok, I mean fat.  I am a fat woman, with arms that wobble, a belly that jiggles and legs like the Mum in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” – which by the way, is a brilliant movie) the layers that are required for winter are glorious! Long pants – boom, take that chubby legs and cankles, you are no longer on display! Oh, don’t get me wrong, people still know that I have chubby legs but I get to cover them up.  Describe my legs?  Now, here is where I find it hard. Legs are meant to be bigger at the top and slim down as you near the ankle, but, you see, mine do not.  My legs resemble a pair of pork sausages. They are plump, full and dimply  the whole way down – I have knees, I have ankles, but they are not really visible because my legs just sit like two plump sausages under my bum.  But, they are two functional legs that allow me to walk, skip and sometimes run (ok, ok, walk quickly) from place to place. Anywho, come the winter months, those puppies are all covered up – nice!  Layers of tops, cardi’s, jackets etc…”Must keep warm, so layer me up!” Arms are covered, tummy is smothered in layers and boob cleavage is hidden under higher necklines and scarves. Oh, scarves – how I love scarves.  I have over 25 scarves.  I probably only wear about 7 of them but I pretty much have a scarf in every shade.  I successfully conquered my goal of finding a scarf in a particular shade of mustard a couple of weeks ago, thank you, it was a huge achievement for me and the pride I had when I wore that scarf was enormous.  It’s my favourite scarf at the moment – shhhh, don’t tell Big Red.  Big Red has been in my life for over 10 years and is still going strong.  I love him, but Ol’ Mustard is numero uno in my scarf ranking right now. (I will always love you Big Red).

Next on the list of what makes winter so freaking amazing is TV. With the introduction of Netflix into my life, I am constantly dealing with the struggle of what to watch – So. Many. Choices!  With winter being so very cold and miserable (cue shivering children standing over a fire in an old oil drum in the snow somewhere in urban LA) , sometimes the only thing (yes, the ONLY thing) to do is watch TV.  TV watching is made even more delicious when you add PJ’s, snuggly blankets and wine, I mean, coffee, I mean herbal tea, ah, fuck it, I really mean wine. There are so many movies and TV series that are so damn watchable – there are also plenty of them that are so God damn awful, yet I find I am unable to stop watching (Geordie Shore, you will be the death of me!).  I sometimes hope for a minor respiratory infection so that I am ordered to spend a week on bedrest – imagine the Netflix hours I could clock up in a week of bedrest.  (*stares off into the distance with a blissful look of peace on face*)

FOOOOOOOOD! Summer months are spent enjoying the fresh, ripe, sweet nectar of delectable fruits, and we all love a good BBQ, but come winter, those options just aren’t available.  Fruit isn’t as heavenly, BBQ’s are just ridiculous in the cold and all we are left with is good old fashioned comfort food. Soups, red wine,  cheesy pastas, red wine, Eggs on buttery toast, red wine (obviously not at breakfast though…right?), pulled pork, red wine, fondue (fuck me, fondue is the food of the Gods!), red wine…the list goes on. Plus all the warm cups of coffee and tea that one must consume throughout the bitterly cold days to keep up ones strength.  Then there are those nights when you get home and realise that the fridge has consumed every possible dinner option and you have to (yes, you MUST) order pizza! Pizza that comes straight to your door (often delivered by a man who I can not understand, seriously Raj, if you wanna have a conversation with me, you’re gonna have to work hard to pronounce things real Kiwi-like, I am so damned focused on that cheesy goodness in your little black case, (after writing that last bit, I feel kinda dirty) that I don’t have energy or time to politely smile and reply with a comment that might sound like I knew what you said.) Pizza, pizza, pizza. I think it’s my favourite meal. And, yes, I know it can be a healthy, light option for a meal, but I am talking about the dirty, greasy, cheesy, hardly any source of nutritional goodness pizza that comes from a store. So. Good.

So, yeah, winter is coming and I’m ready to embrace it, to hold it dearly in my layered up arms, to snuggle it closely into my chest and dance with it like Patrick Swayze danced with Jennifer Grey at the end of Dirty Dancing.  I’m here Winter, take me, I’m yours!

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